I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I’M A FUCKING MESS. To wit: 1) my wet rash is back and it’s driving me insane; 2) my knees hurt; 3) the baby toe on my left foot is SCREAMING at me; 4) I’m shivering and my body temperature is 95°; 5) I have a headache; 6) I’ve got neuropathy “electric shocks” zapping the outside of both legs; 7) Baylor HouseCalls still hasn’t faxed this month’s Hydrocodone prescription to my Wal-Mart pharmacy; and 8) I can’t think of anything else. Okay, okay ... I realize that I whined about most of these issues in last night’s Howdygram
post … but I thought you should know that I still feel like shit today and plan to continue complaining for at least the next couple of hours, at which time I’ll enjoy Marcy’s World-Famous “Mish-Mosh” Soup and a movie.
MARCY’S WORLD-FAMOUS “MISH-MOSH” SOUP is actually very easy to throw together. It includes one family-size can of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup, half a can of water, four Manischewitz ready-made matzo balls and one container of Annie Chun’s microwave sticky rice. (You can order the chicken noodle soup, the matzo balls and the sticky rice from Wal-Mart’s
website.) Just nuke everything in a small mixing bowl until it’s steaming hot and ask somebody with steady hands to carry it to the table for you. (I don’t have steady hands. Fuck, I can’t even WALK.) A portrait of Manischewitz’s ready-made matzo balls appears below.
Incidentally, don’t be tempted to eat the broth that’s included in the jar of matzo balls. It’s absolutely tasteless and Sam always pours it out.
 |
| Beautiful little Manischewitz matzo balls … my favorite ready-to-eat food group! |
This is a fabulous soup recipe. It’s inexpensive, it’s tasty, it’s easy and (best of all) you don’t need a lower denture to eat it.
Woo-hoo!
We’re expecting some exciting weather for the next few days ... THUNDERSTORMS!
And maybe even tornadoes! It’s been an awfully long time since we’ve had any substantial weather around here, so we can definitely use the
water. (Thunder, lightning and tornadoes are just a little added entertainment.) Please stay tuned for additional updates.
A SPEEDY KVETCH REPORT UPDATE. I had a truly miserable Wednesday … one uncontrollable pishing emergency after another, every 90 minutes, all day long. Plus lots of chronic pain issues, which I attempted to tackle with more than enough drugs and a bag of Pepperidge Farm pizza goldfish.
A SPEEDY WEATHER UPDATE. I wonder why anybody would ever consider meteorology a “science” because these people just can’t stop fucking up the most basic forecasts. The severe weather predicted for today never materialized at all. It’s almost 9 p.m. and we didn’t get one stinking drop of rain ... no thunder, no lightning, no tornadoes, NO NOTHING. Meh!
I need to eat some dinner now. On tonight’s menu … one leftover piece of thin-crust pizza and a bowl of week-old candied yams sweetened with sugar-free brown sugar. I know this sounds slightly repulsive, but trust me … it’s NOT. The yams were sort of “dessert” for me, although I’ll probably still want to wash it all down with Jell-O.
I’m watching a rerun of “The People’s Court,” and a commercial just popped up that I’ve never seen before … Pat Boone, age 83, pitching the SafeStep® step-in tub for old coots.
 |
| Former heart-throb Pat Boone, now 83, pitches a step-in tub for coots. |
The reason this is such a weird hoo-hah for me is because my #1 favorite napping movie has always been
Journey to the Center of the Earth (1959) starring Pat Boone and James Mason, which means I have an opportunity to see Pat Boone at age 25 every day of my life, and then all of a sudden
— WHAMMO! — here he is at 83 years old, A GODDAMN PRUNE ADVERTISING BATHTUBS! I don’t think I can stand this.
Maybe I’ll go back to Turner Classic Movies for a while. I want to watch Jane Fonda and Vanessa Redgrave in
Julia (1977) … and then it’s time for bed.
Thank you for reading this. Seriously.
No comments:
Post a Comment