Wednesday, March 21, 2018

What every woman wants to hear at 4 o’clock in the morning; “Your tongue sticks out when you sleep.”

TUESDAY NIGHT, 3/20/2018. I don’t have much to write about from my hospital bed tonight so I figured I’d just ramble for a while until I decide what’s what.

Actually, because I’m going home on Wednesday I’ve been getting significantly less attention from the hospital staff this evening … which includes the usual never-ending train of persistent phlebotomists, sonogram technicians, physical therapists who want you to “just hop out of bed” (holy fuck … NO WAY), respiratory know-it-alls with their annoying CPAP and BiPAP machines, and nurses who show up to check my blood sugar, twist my I.V. needles and stab me with insulin six times a day. They also have people on staff here at Baylor whose job it is to irritate you for no apparent reason at all. This morning at 4 a.m. a nursing student showed up to check my blood pressure but woke me by flipping on the overhead lights to exclaim, “YOUR TONGUE STICKS OUT WHEN YOU SLEEP!”

Jesus, I wanted to STRANGLE that stupid twit.

Adorable Sam was here for a couple of hours tonight, just long enough to recharge my “devices” (my MacBook Pro laptop and my iPhone) and help me bathe in bed because it’s almost impossible to snag a nurse long enough to do this for me. Sam left at 8 p.m. to go home for a late dinner and some sleep. The poor thing looked exhausted.



WEDNESDAY, 3:50 A.M., 3/20/2018. I was just awakened by a nice nurse with zero manners. It was time to check my vitals and she didn’t give a shit that I was sound asleep … and she also thought it was a good time to offer me a sponge bath. (I declined the bath.) Since I rarely fall back asleep on these occasions I decided to spend a little time updating the Howdygram. My laptop is down to 15% power, however, so it will be very little time indeed.



I think I’ll sneak in another session of Let’s Learn Yiddish, okay? Here we go …

Furshlugginer means crazy, wacky or beat up. Gonif means thief. Gantse macher is a man about town or a big shot. Gatkes are long underwear or longjohns. Gay kocken offem yom means go shit in the ocean. And finally, gelt is money or chocolate coins eaten during Hanukkah. Stay tuned for more Yiddish vocabulary words coming soon!

Thank you for reading this. I want to take some drugs and watch a movie now.

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