Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Wow. Baylor has a “Housecalls” program for shleppy old ladies just like me!

Hi-de-ho, guys! I’ve decided to be “smarter” about my posts from now on … writing a little less at one time with fewer paragraph subtitles so I can keep you updated on my health and ongoing situations here at Howdygram headquarters. When I’m not well I lose track of the days. For instance, I didn’t realize today was Wednesday until a couple of minutes ago and that my last post was on Sunday. I sincerely apologize for being such a screwball.



I can probably explain everything with a well-written Kvetch Report, so grab yourself an iced tea and get comfortable.

I was quite ill during the last week of August with a urinary tract infection. My symptoms included a persistent fever, body aches, magnified joint pain, long naps and frequent pishing. My doctor insisted I need to “be seen,” but adorable Sam simply showed up at Dr. K’s office all by himself to tell her nurse I can’t come in on short notice because my transportation — Mesquite’s senior citizen transit bus with a wheelchair elevator — requires a two-week advance reservation. (Yes, I know; it sucks.) Fortunately, Dr. K broke with protocol and wrote a prescription for an antibiotic,. After three days I started to feel human again.

My personal situation (being sick without transportation) led me to write Dr. K an email at the start of Labor Day weekend to ask if there are any other options when I need quick medical care but can’t come in to see her. She responded with an email about Baylor’s “Housecalls” program … doctors and nurse practitioners who make home visits when patients can’t get out of the house any more for a routine checkup or to be seen when they’re sick. Such as moi … FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS!

Apparently “screening” is already underway because two different people from Baylor’s Housecalls program called me on Labor Day to ask routine questions — apparently I qualify for the program, thank God! — and move me up on the list to be seen monthly by a visiting nurse practitioner, who can prescribe meds, approve refills and refer me to an M.D. as needed. This is FUCKING FANTASTIC, people, and exactly what I need.

I cancelled today’s 10 a.m. office visit with Dr. K due to all of the above, which led her to respond (in an email) by telling me she can’t refill my Norco prescriptions unless I come into the office … which was a real “WTF moment” because Dr. K already knows I’m housebound!

Jesus, what’s wrong with people?! No, Dr. K, I can’t come in to “be seen” by you. We’ve already determined that I can’t leave the house … so if I’m unable to show up at your office for my insulin refills, I’m also unable to show up for my opioid refills! JUST FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY AND HELP ME!



I’m done and it’s time for a nap. Thank you for reading this ... and please do your best to remember the Alamo.

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