The Howdygram Store is selling my adorable greeting cards like goddamn hotcakes.

Sometimes I think weirdness is the only constant at Howdygram headquarters. For instance, I had a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday afternoon that I had to cancel at the very last minute — and I mean this LITERALLY — due to not being able to get into the car. I just couldn’t lift my left leg high enough ... sixteen fucking inches! I was so disappointed I wanted to cry. Sam called Dr. M’s office while I was still twisting around in the garage and told the scheduling desk that I wouldn’t be there ... and why.

And so I’ve decided to skip this after-the-hospital follow-up appointment and show up instead for my quarterly checkup at the end of May. It’s just too damn much trouble to get there. And this time I’ll arrange for a round-trip ride on the senior citizen transit bus. OLD AGE SUCKS.

I also decided to discontinue one of the meds I’ve been taking since I got home from the hospital a couple of weeks ago. It’s Lasix, a nuclear-powered diuretic that’s had me vaulting to a toilet every 90 minutes. (Same drug that filled 10 bags a day when I was catheterized at Baylor Hospital.) Trouble is, I have MOBILITY ISSUES ... and good luck trying to make it to the bathroom when you can’t fucking walk. Holy mackerel.

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I guess I should apologize, too, for not writing a Howdygram post all week, although I have an excellent excuse: GREETING CARDS. Yes, friends, I’ve been hard at work creating more cards for The Howdygram Store because — believe it or not — my adorable designs have been selling like goddamn hotcakes! Here are four of the greeting cards I uploaded to Zazzle earlier this week; I’ve got eight more waiting in the wings that I’ll upload later tonight. Woo-hoo!

This is what I do with all the free fonts and high-resolution background images I’ve been collecting. Which brings me to our next section ...

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Aren’t these fantastic?! I think my favorite from today’s batch of FREE FONTS would be “Palm Beach,” because the script is just amazing with lots of alternate characters and swashy things. I even used it for a greeting card design right out of the gate! And please note that “Segaon Soft” has nine weights (with italics for each). If you visit MyFonts.com the entire font family sells for $140. I’ll include download links after the graphic in case you want any of these for yourself.

Segaon Soft • Spoonfull • Palm Beach Duo • Succu Spring • Chrome Syrup

Incidentally, please don’t be too annoyed that “Spoonfull” is misspelled. I get nearly all of these free fonts from a website that originates somewhere in southeast Asia (either Thailand or Viet Nam) and the translations are usually hilarious. For instance, here are a three typical font descriptions that I copied for your possible interest and amusement.

Presenting Wilma Typeface, a cute and beauty script font which is bouncy baseline and wisely designed to create your text looks gorgeous. A trend-setter script style typeface will craft a flawless look for many different projects such as quotes, blog header, poster, wedding, branding, logo, fashion, apparel, letter, invitation, stationery, ect.

Spoonfull is hand written brush script. With this type, you will see a lot of alternative letters and swathes. This font is ideal for branding and decorate your any project. This font are perfect for wedding invitation or your blog. Also with their help, you can create a logo or beautiful frame for your home.

Leather Font is script font wish nice alternatif so will be elegan and moderent font for any needed to solve you work.

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I have more to write but I’ll have to save it all for another day. It’s after 9 p.m., Sam is unconscious in the family room and I have to eat dinner, which will involve waking him from a deep and lovely sleep because I can’t stand up to cook things for myself any more due to mobility issues. It’s complicated.

Thank you for reading this.