Faster than a speeding bullet ... only seven days for a federal tax refund!

Hi-de-ho from Texas, y’all! It’s an overcast Saturday morning with rain creeping in from the south, Sam is buttering my English muffin in the kitchen and I have nothing whatsoever to do today. This is no huge surprise, however, since I almost NEVER have anything to do ... not counting frequent naps and eating things.

---

If you’re one of those easily-confused bozos who watch “Dancing with the Stars Losers,” I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to learn that season 22 premiers on Monday, March 21. The big shocker here is why in hell would anybody watch a bunch of clammy, clumsy, D-list celebrity wannabes trying to rhumba for TWENTY-TWO FUCKING YEARS. I don’t get it, people. This is the most ridiculous hour on television! That said, here are six of this year’s dancing D-listers.

In case you’re interested ... Antonio Brown returns punts for the Pittsburgh Steelers; Doug Flutie was the oldest quarterback alive (age 43) with the New England Patriots when he wound up his 20-year professional football career in 2005; Marla Maples was was once married to Donald Trump; Kim Fields starred in the cheesy 1980s sitcom “The Facts of Life” and most recently as herself on “Real Housewives of Atlanta”; Geraldo Rivera is a media personality and a Fox News whatnot who’s famous for his drunken shirtless selfies; and Ginger Zee is the weather girl on “Good Morning America.” Boy howdy ... what a bunch of yoooge STARS!

---

Here’s the latest today, organized in neat little subtitled paragraphs.

THE WORLD’S FASTEST TAX REFUND. We e-filed our 2015 federal tax return last Saturday with Turbo Tax and the refund already popped up in our checking account TODAY. That’s faster than a speeding bullet! SEVEN DAYS FOR A FEDERAL TAX REFUND!

SUCCESSFUL YET CHEAP NEW SHOES FROM AMAZON. We ordered the following Reeboks for Sam a few days ago. He just tried them on and announced the fit is excellent and the shoes feel swell and bouncy. He’s wearing them to Costco.

SAM WENT TO COSTCO and he’s still there as I write this post, because it’s time again for our regular load of teeny tacos, coffee beans, breakfast burritos and a fresh-made entree of Sam’s choosing to jazz up our weekend. (I’ve got my fingers crossed for some tasty stuffed peppers.)

I MIGHT ORDER CHINESE FOOD TOMORROW. I’ve been craving the Szechwan string beans, jalapeño shrimp and hot & sour soup from King China. Please send an email if you’d like to come over and watch me eat, okay?

---

It’s time for me to enjoy my first nap du jour with a nice William Powell mystery ... The Kennel Murder Case (1933) with Mary Astor. It’s the story of a dead dog, an asshole millionaire named Archer Coe and all the people who hate him. It’s my number one favorite sleeping movie not counting Murder at the Gallop (1963) starring Margaret Rutherford.

Thank you for reading this!