Anti-tyranny Texans want deep fryers and soda machines back in public schools.

Holy crap, it’s Thursday! The highlights of my day so far have included: 1) a four-hour nap on the chaise from 7 a.m. until lunch-time; 2) eating Costco teeny tacos with Sam; 3) another four-hour nap from 3:15 until 8:30 tonight; and 4) I can’t think of anything else. (Seriously ... I can’t.) I guess I was exceptionally tired today as there’s no other explanation for spending eight hours on the chaise. Just another milestone from A Retiree’s World of Meaningless Accomplishments.

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Hoo boy, have I got a Putz of the Week for you! Meet Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller, who’s made it his goal to abolish the state’s 10-year ban on deep fryers and soda machines in public schools due to government tyranny and Jesus loved cholesterol.

In a letter to the editor of the Houston Chronicle, Miller stood by his 2014 campaign promise as follows: “I believe each school district should decide what foods are offered to students. It’s about giving back local control and allowing each school district to make the best decision for their community. It’s simple. That’s the beauty here. It’s not about French fries; it’s about FREEDOM.”

This isn’t the first time Miller took up the cause of local control over food in schools. In January his first act as Commissioner was to grant “amnesty to cupcakes” and to let parents know that they have a friend in Austin who thinks it’s okay to let little Bubba and Jim-Bob buy and eat all the shit they want on school property.

“We’ve been raising big, strapping, healthy young kids here in Texas for nearly 200 years. We don’t need Washington, D.C., telling us how to do it,” he said. What a jackass.

While it’s really insulting to listen to a public official talk about children like they’re livestock, it’s hard to argue with Miller’s “big kid” designation. In 2013, Texas’s childhood obesity rate rose to 16%, fourth in the nation behind the heavy-breathers in Arkansas, Kentucky and Alabama. God bless Texas, y’all.

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And now I think I’ll meander drag myself into the kitchen for a cold soda and maybe food, since it’s after 10 p.m. and I haven’t eaten dinner yet. I’m STARVING. Suggestions are welcome.