Saturday, November 1, 2014

I’m officially seven hours and 14 minutes into my 64th year of life on Earth.

Happy birthday to me! According to the clock on my computer I’m officially seven hours and 14 minutes into my 64th year of life on Earth.

The celebration today will mostly revolve around a steady parade of terrific shit to eat as soon as Sam gets home with my Sausage McMuffin, which will be followed immediately by two Russell Stover sugar-free marshmallow pumpkins. Remember ... CONTINUOUS EATING IS THE KEY TO A LONG AND JOYOUS FUTURE. Whoa, I just made that up!

Other parade participants will include Pop Secret with Movie Theater Butter, hot dogs from Five Guys, one of the exquisite My π deep-dish Chicago-style pizzas that arrived on Wednesday in a crate of dry ice, and — last but not least — A BOX OF TWO DOZEN HAND-DECORATED SUGAR-FREE PETIT FOURS arriving this morning from Amazon! Two dozen! Naps will occur as needed between snacks and meals to prevent food-scheduling conflicts and annoying overlap.


Because inquiring minds want to know, I thought you might be interested in this world map indicating all of the Howdygram’s visitors during the last 24 hours plus a nice close-up view of the North America section — just for the hell of it — directly below. I hope you’re impressed by how popular I am. It’s intense, isn’t it?
It’s 8:45 a.m. and time — finally! — for my first happy birthday nap of the day. Thank you for reading this.

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