Two late-summer maladies are creeping back into my life.

Hello from I’m-Feeling-Crappyland. It’s 7:30 Monday morning and I’ve got a stuffed-up nose, watery eyes, a mild headache and — horrors! — I’m pretty damn sure two maladies from late summer are creeping back into my life: 1) the same miserable urinary tract infection; and 2) CELLULITIS IN MY LEFT THIGH, which started up again last night and already hurts like hell. I’ve decided to send an email to Dr. M’s office this morning to maneuver an Ampicillin refill, so cross your fingers that she won’t ask me to make an appointment because I was just there in September and enough is enough. Please watch this space for additional health updates as they become available but feel free to continue your usual routine in the meantime. Thank you.

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Because inquiring minds want to know ... I spent part of the day on Sunday ordering a variety of exciting crap from Wal-Mart and Amazon, including a set of six 8 x 10 photo frames, Glad plastic wrap that sticks to EVERYTHING, nice-smelling Downy, more of that fantastic cheap yet tasty Great Value popcorn, Glucerna milkshakes for people with diabetes like yours truly, Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup and teeny bottles of diet Mountain Dew (stop laughing). Not pictured for any particular reason: four packages of Murray’s sugar-free pecan shortbread cookies and miscellaneous bags of crunchy things for watching TV.

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Show of hands. Have any of you ever seen The Kennel Murder Case (1933) starring William Powell and Mary Astor? This is one of my all-time favorite napping movies and one that I’ve slept through at least four times a week for the last two years. Unfortunately, because I’m only awake for the first ten minutes I’ve never really had a solid grip on the plot. Therefore I’d appreciate some answers to the following questions:

1. Who kills “Ghillie” ... and why?
2. Who shoves Sir Thomas MacDonald down the stairs?
3. Why does Brisbane murder Archer?
4. Where does Philo Vance get that amazing scale model of the Coes’ townhouse with the lift-off roof and teeny furniture?
5. Why is Archer so damn crabby?
6. Where does Hilda live and where does she get the dough for all those great clothes and hats if Uncle Archer is such a tightwad?

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We had a lot of weather this morning! Some loud thunderstorms with heavy rain rolled through here starting at 4:30 a.m. and just finished about half an hour ago. To celebrate all that free water Sam is on his way to the barber shop for a fast Monday morning haircut and then to Costco for our weekly supply of teeny tacos, breakfast burritos, very nice flautas and a six-pack of Kirkland canned chicken. (We LOVE Kirkland canned chicken.)

All of a sudden I’m not feeling too well so maybe I’ll conk out for a while in the family room while Sam’s out running his errands. Thank you for dropping in, okay?