A morning of monumental accomplishments featuring deep-dish pizza and tartar sauce.

Good morning. Want to see what happens around here when a senior citizen insomniac gets hungry in the middle of the night? The aforementioned senior citizen visits Foody Direct and orders $69 worth of deep-dish pizza from My π in Chicago for two-day delivery in a colorful crate of dry ice.

For the record, My π is President Obama’s favorite pizza — a recommendation that’s good enough for me! — and apparently has been winning plenty of “best pizza” awards in the Windy City for quite some time. They’ll ship on Monday for Wednesday delivery so let me know if you’d like to come over for dinner and I might save you a piece. (But seriously, don’t count on it.)

If you’ve never heard of Foody Direct you should probably pay a quick visit to their website because it’s a stunner with exquisite food pictures. Plus ... HOWDYGRAM READERS GET A DISCOUNT! You can check out their ad in our right sidebar or click the image below. (No, I don’t get a kickback. Stop being so damn suspicious, okay?)

I also found a video clip that you might like. It’s a little bit boring but I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to sit through it. AND SO MUCH PRETTY FOOD!

Because I have to wait almost a whole week for my pizzas I consoled myself with a six-pack of Beaver Brand tartar sauce from Amazon.

This is THE TASTIEST TARTAR SAUCE ON THE PLANET because it’s not sweet ... it’s made with capers and dill, like the delicious white goo on McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish sandwich. (I think I would have been perfectly happy with just one jar but Amazon never lets you order one measly jar of ANYTHING.) An image of the aforementioned Filet-o-Fish sandwich appears below.

Thank you for reading this. It’s finally time for my pre-lunch nap!