Mock chicken parmesan for senior citizens that’s good enough for Dean Martin.

As promised, here’s another fine senior citizen recipe for old people with mobility problems who like to eat. This time it’s MOCK CHICKEN PARMESAN FOR SENIOR CITIZENS WITH EXTRA MOZZARELLA CHEESE AND BOGUS PASTA ... my answer to not being able to stand up long enough to cook the real thing and there’s also nobody around to take you to an Italian restaurant for dinner. This is actually a two-step recipe but they’re both fast as hell and you can sit down in-between if your knees hurt.

The ingredients include three Schwan’s frozen chicken patties, half a jar of Bella Vita low-carb (or any brand) pasta sauce, Wal-Mart’s store brand parmesan cheese that’s the same as Kraft but a lot cheaper, shredded mozzarella cheese and a bag of angel hair zero-calorie Miracle Noodles.

So here’s what you do. Pour the Miracle Noodles into a wire strainer, rinse them really well in warm water, cut them up with a kitchen shears and let them drain for a few minutes. Wrap three chicken patties in a couple of paper towels; nuke them for 3½ minutes and sit down in the meantime.

Next, scrape the Miracle Noodles onto a nice dinner plate and top with the following ingredients IN THIS EXACT ORDER: 1) pasta sauce; 2) parmesan cheese; 3) chicken patties; 4) more pasta sauce; 5) more parmesan cheese; and 6) a nice big pile of shredded mozzarella. Then microwave the plate for about 90 seconds on high until everything is hot and melty and you can hear Dean Martin singing “That’s Amore” in your head. (You know, like from the opening scene in Moonstruck starring Cher and Nicolas Cage.) I’ll post a Dean Martin video in case you need a reminder. I totally LOVE Dean Martin.

Ciao y’all and thank you for reading this.