Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Big Tex has been scaring the shit out of people for more than 60 years.

Before I get carried away with this post and drift into assorted subjects, please allow me to make a very important announcement:

Eight years ago today Sam and I were married in an unforgettable ceremony at a tacky Elvis impersonator’s wedding chapel in Las Vegas that included a one-hour rental of any plastic bridal bouquet at no additional charge. I doubt if these yahoos are still in business, however, since it was clearly a shady operation in a temporary building constructed of tar paper and duct tape. After their white stretch limo — plastered from front to back with advertising — chauffeured us to the Clark County Courthouse to buy a marriage license, we had our choice of several themed chapel rooms for the actual ceremony, each separated by a curtain so you can hear your neighbors’ business whether you want to or not. The aforementioned themed rooms included: 1) a Mafia den decorated with Al Capone memorabilia; 2) a medieval torture chamber; 3) a Graceland knockoff; and 4) a more “traditional” space with styrofoam Greek columns and tiny pews upholstered in polyester velvet for all the guests we didn’t invite. (We opted for traditional in order to avoid a lifetime of PTSD.)

When Sam gets home from work tonight we’ll celebrate with Jell-O pudding cups, a Melvyn Douglas movie* and possibly sex.

*I’m hoping for Ninotchka (1939) with Greta Garbo.



Here’s some news. Apparently Dallas has won USA Today’s “Best International Skyline” award. Don’t get me wrong ... Dallas is a nice place to live, but I really can’t explain how we landed in first place since other cities on the list have way better skylines than OURS, especially Chicago, which came in second, and New York. A decent photo of the Dallas skyline appears below with three of our most iconic buildings labeled for your possible interest. Sam named them when we moved here in 2007.
Here are USA Today’s top 10:
  1. Dallas
  2. Chicago
  3. Rio de Janeiro
  4. Toronto
  5. New York
  6. Washington, D.C.
  7. St. Louis
  8. Hong Kong
  9. San Francisco
  10. Seattle
In another USA Today poll, Big Tex — the official mascot of the Texas State Fair — took top honors as the “Best Quirky Landmark in the USA.” Now THIS award I totally understand because there’s nothing quirkier uglier creepier than Big Tex. He stands 55 feet tall, wears size 96 cowboy boots and has been scaring the shit out of people for more than 60 years.
Thank y’all for reading this.

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